You Know You're Avoiding It – Here's What to Do Next
In this episode of Culture Focused Practice, Dr. Tara Vossenkemper explores the hard conversations leaders keep avoiding — and why insight alone doesn’t magically make those conversations easier to have.
Tara breaks down the gap between awareness and behavior, the way self-protection lives in both the nervous system and leadership identity, and the stories many leaders unconsciously tell themselves to justify silence. Things like:
- “I’m the kind of leader who supports my people.”
- “I don’t want to make this about me.”
- “I don’t know if I’m reading this right yet.”
She also talks about how avoidance slowly shifts standards over time, why insight without action often turns into shame, and what it actually looks like to approach difficult conversations with more honesty, clarity, and care — without making the conversation mean something catastrophic about who you are as a leader.
Timestamps:
00:00 Avoided Conversations Intro
01:14 Awareness Isn’t Enough
01:42 Knowing vs. Doing
02:42 When Insight Turns Into Shame
04:47 Nervous System Protection
06:35 Identity Threats and Leadership Stories
08:35 “I Support My People”
11:07 “I Don’t Want to Make It About Me”
13:02 “I Don’t Know If I’m Reading This Right”
17:37 What To Do Differently
17:48 Name The Story Early
18:34 Separate Identity From Outcome
20:59 Lower The Bar For Certainty
22:11 Recap
If this episode hit a little too close to home, there’s probably a conversation you already know you need to have.
Send this episode to another leader who’s been circling the same hard conversation for weeks (or months). And if you want support building a healthier culture, stronger systems, and leadership practices that don’t rely on avoidance and overfunctioning, learn more about working with Tara here:
https://www.taravossenkemper.com/work-with-tara
